I am therefore particularly sensitive when I hear of marriages that have not worked out. When I hear of a husband and a wife leaving each other to pursue their own individual direction in their lives. As a priest working in parishes, I often used to hear the cry of despair of so many parents as they shared the fact that one of their children separated from their husband or wife. I have often witnessed the cry and the heartache of so many parents as they tried to cope with the marriage breakdown of their children.
This made me think a lot about why, as a church we hold to the fact that marriage is for a lifetime. Are we as church so cruel to emphasise that marriage is for a life time. Are we so insensitive to hold that for those who have separated and married again without an annulment cannot get married in the church and cannot receive the Eucharist? Are we being so stayed in our way of thinking and acting? Do we need to get with it? Are we old fashioned and antiquated as many people seem to think? The answer to all these questions is definitely in the negative. I feel that as a church we need to explain more our attitudes and views about Christian marriage after all this is not something that has been invented by priests but is a teaching of Jesus as we read in today's gospel.
Marriage in a church is a very special celebration. It will be very unwise to get married in a church simply because it is a custom in our family to do so. Or because it looks great to be able to walk down a long aisle in a beautifully decorated church. How often have I heard couples saying, "Ah well, I desire to get married and I would like to get married in a church. It's just as good as any other place". It is very important for those who believe in Jesus Christ, for us Catholics to get married in the church. However, it is also utterly important to understand what marriage in a church means and what is expected in celebrating a marriage during a religious ceremony.
In his letter to the people of Ephesis Chapter 5 verse 32, St Paul says this about marriage, "This mystery (marriage) has great significance but I am applying it to Christ and the Church". What does this mean? Paul is saying to us. Look how Jesus relates to all of us as the church. See how Jesus loves us. This is exactly the manner in which people who desire to get married in a church are invited to. People who marry in the church are invited to love as Jesus loves. They are invited to model their relationship on the manner in which Jesus relates to you and me. In practice this means that when I meet married couples I should feel Jesus loving me through the love in which that couple love and relate to each other. This is an awesome vocation. This is an awesome call. It will be a tragedy if we water down such a call. It will be disastrous if we try to say that there is no difference between marriage in a church and a marriage that is not celebrated in the context of our faith. This is not to point fingers at any anybody or to stand in judgement over others. At the same time, it is vitally important to understand what we, as Catholic people, are invited to do in a marriage blessed by the church. This is how we understand why as a church we hold the views that we have about marriage. It is not a question of being old fashioned or with it. It is not a question of being not up with the latest opinion of the majority. It is however a question to do things as Jesus asked and desired. After all this is what being a Catholic means.
How does Jesus love? He made a decision to love me and He will not back off from this decision. I have often turned my back to Him. I have often made it clear to Him that I will prefer to go my way rather than His. Yes He has never stopped loving me. Jesus teaches us that love is not merely feeling good about someone. Love is much more than that. It starts from a feeling but it moves towards a decision. This is something that we need to remember. Love is not a feeing but a decision. The reason is very simple. Feelings change. I may be feeling good about someone one moment yet after a while that same person may be driving me up the wall. What am I to do when I do not feel good about someone, stop loving?
Unfortunately, this is the kind of love that we are constantly being bombarded with by the TV, radio, papers, and popular songs. Love is always conditional. I love you as long as you are nice to me or as long as you look desirable. I love you as long as we agree or as long as we are compatible. I love you as long as we get along fine. But if any of these situations change, then I am sorry I do not love you any more. It is no wonder that such an attitude is so prevalent in our society with tragic consequences. Christian marriage celebrates a love which has nothing to do about being conditional. This is the reason why couples thinking of getting married in a church ought to prepare and inform themselves properly about this decision. It also goes without saying that love is something that we need to keep nurturing and encouraging. This is way married couples need to spend time with each other. And it is also vital to be actively involved in the life of our parishes on a regular basis. This gives us the necessary practical and spiritual support to keep loving as Jesus does. Our personal relationship with Jesus Christ is of the utmost importance if we are going to live according to His example.
It is also a reality that some people find themselves in a situation where their marriage relationship becomes so strained and destructive that a separation is inevitable. I urge people in these circumstances to continue to be part of church and parish life. Being separated or divorced and yet not remarried does not exclude you from receiving the sacraments. If a person has remarried, I urge that person or couple to talk to somebody about the possibility of an annulment and also to otain the right information of what is possible in such circumstances. Help is available. For our Diocese contact Mrs Judy Browne on 5441 2544.
"May the Lord Jesus, who was a guest at the wedding in Cana, bless you and your families and friends. Amen"
"May Jesus who loved His church to the end, always fill you hearts with His love. Amen"
