Who could forget the scene as he lay dying in his Vatican bedroom. Thousands of young people flocked to St Peter’s square to accompany him as he made his way to the Father’s house. Young people prayed, meditated, sang. They wanted to be there. They wanted to be with Pope John Paul II and he was glad that they were there. He was grateful that they were accompanying him during this time. How was he able to do it? I asked this question to the present Cardinal Archbishop of Venice, Cardinal Angelo Scola. His reply was: Pope John Paul II was a man of integrity. He manifested such an incredible inner strength that gave hope and confidence to all those who happened to be around him. People felt secure and fulfilled in his company because they knew that what he talked about he also lived.
The story has not changed in our time. People yearn to be with and to look upon men and women of integrity. How do we achieve this integrity? How can we become people who exude hope and purpose to those who come in contact with us? In today’s Gospel Jesus gives us some practical examples how we might achieve this. Love your enemies, bless those who cause you pain, pray for those who treat you badly. Tough words indeed. In plain English what Jesus is saying to you and to me is to make a decision to do good to those who are against us, to bless, that is to speak well about those who cause us grieve and to hold in prayer those who treat us badly. In other words to forgive.
We have often been told that it is important to forgive. After all, this is one of the ways in that Jesus invites us to practice in order to be his followers. However, many are at a loss how to forgive. Many ask “How do I know that I have forgiven” or I will forgive but I will not forget”: or “How can I forgive when that person hurt me so much”. It is impossible to achieve. These questions are very real. However with regards to forgiveness there are a couple of things that we need to understand very well. In the first place forgiveness has nothing to do with how I feel. If I reason this way “I will forgive when I am ready. I will forgive when the other person makes the first step or I will forgive when I feel OK about it; we will never forgive. Very often the wound is too hard and too deep and from a human point of view, it would be too difficult to take the step towards forgiveness. This leads us to the second point. Forgiveness is a decision like love. It is a question of wanting or not wanting to forgive.
My father died at the age of thirty two when I was six years of age. That event shattered me and paralysed me inside. I knew that the time had to come when I would have to forgive my father for leaving me at such a young age. It was not his fault that he died at thirty two, yet I was left very confused, hurt and very much at a loss. I have found this prayer that I am going to share with you very helpful in forgiving my father and whenever I need to forgive someone. Please feel free to use it. There is no copyright on this. It has done marvelous things for me and I am sure that it would be do marvelous things for you too.
The first part of the prayer is that I voice aloud what I need to forgive my father for. Dad I forgive you for dying so young, for leaving my mother with three children to fend on her own. I forgive you for the time that I would have liked to talk to you as I was growing up and you where not there. I forgive you that you were not about during very important times as a family, when I graduated from university, when I was ordained, when my brother and sister got married and when their children were born. When we voice what is hurting us and for what we need to forgive a person for, then we are well on our way to forgive.
The second part of the prayer, is when I pray for the person who has hurt me in some way. When we pray for a person, we have forgiven that person. In my case, my father was dead and so I prayed “Lord I give you my dad. Bless him with your love and your presence. Make him part of your family. Make him part of your saints. Do what is best for him at the moment. Give him eternal rest with you”. If a person is still alive, ask the Lord to bless that person wherever he/she may be found.
The third part of the prayer is that l ask the Lord to forgive me when I acted in such a negative manner towards him, towards others and towards myself because I was very hurt by that person whom I have decided to forgive.
We are all humans. Even though we pray this prayer in all sincerity, very often as we continue living we would be reminded of the hurt that we had received. There is only one thing to do in these circumstances. “Lord I have already given this person to you; I am going to give him/her again to you. This person is not my monkey any more. This person is your responsibility now”. Let this person rest in the arms of our God.
What a freedom, what strength do we experience when we are able to act in this manner. Moreover, this attitude helps us to encourage others to rise above their negativity and to become a source of blessings wherever they might be. I once heard this quote from a friend of mine, “Love your enemy, it will drive him crazy”. What wisdom.
God bless.
