Brenda Verbeek is a grandmother, a cherished member of St Kilian’s parish and the same age as Pope Francis. Given these qualifications, we reached out to her for insights on grandparenting and building relationships with young people in the age of smartphones.
Her first piece of advice: “Never say – ‘back in my day …’
“We’ve come a long way with technology,” says Brenda. “When I was young, I lived on a farm and we only had an old telephone exchange – it was a party line, everyone knew our business.” There’s a sense that Brenda could start to tell a few funny stories about the old telephone exchange, but she sticks to the topic.
She agrees that it’s important for older people to share stories of their past with young people but suggests it’s better to start a conversation by showing interest in the way young people interpret the world.
“I often quiz my grandchildren: ‘That’s interesting. How do you do that?’ or ‘How do you feel about it?’ for example. “It’s important to wait for their answer, and when they do answer, to take time and actively listen to what they are sharing with you,” advises Brenda. “The best gift we can give our grandchildren is our time – amazing things happen when you listen.”
Brenda thinks it’s important not to preach to grandchildren. She admits she doesn’t want her grandchildren to think she has “religious mania”, but they all know she is a committed Catholic and she thinks they respect her more for it. She shares an example of ways she shares her faith with them.
“One of my grandchildren phoned and asked me to pray for them as their exams were coming up. I said, ‘Why don’t you pray yourself?’ They replied that they thought I would have a better chance of having my prayers answered than they would. I asked them, ‘Why would you think God wouldn’t equally listen to your prayers?’ They had this idea that you need to say a Rosary or something like that. So I said, ‘Let’s say a little prayer right now over the phone.’ And so, we did.”
Brenda believes young people today are searching, and are dealing with their own pressures, particularly peer pressure. Her balm? “We need to look at our young people through a Christian lens. See their beauty, see their gifts; it’s just so important. We need to encourage them in their pursuits and acknowledge when they have given things a good go.”
“I think it’s important for us to love our grandchildren unconditionally. Love them with the love of the Lord. God loves us, we are created out of love, so let’s give them that love.”
Pope Francis has often spoken about grandparents and the elderly being transmitters of faith and love, crediting much of his early formation to his paternal grandmother, Nonna Rosa who, amongst other things, taught him to pray.
